Posts

Confidence - Selbstvertrauen - självförtroende - ទំនុកចិត្ត

Image
I have come to the realization that at this moment, as I sit here in my favorite coffee shop, Noi Café, drinking my red milk tea with ice and sugar, my self-confidence and feeling a self-worth are at an all-time high.  It has been very empowering and self-affirming to be here: I’m in my homeland, doing what I came to do, doing it in large part on my own, I’m doing it because I believe in it and probably best of all, I know that it is helping my people. My normal perspective on myself is one of disdain. Although I probably not, I think I am good at masking my self-loathing in poorly performed self-deprecating humor and obviously false-false humility that I’m not good at. Despite my normal levels, I feel good about myself…I have a feeling it won’t last. Not because I’ll be intentionally returning to my upsetting ways…no I’m taking Khmer lessons. I’m jumping in headfirst into learning the language of my people…unfortunately, the Khmer pool isn’t deep and its filled with sharp brok...
Post a Comment
Read more

Finding home

Image
  I am become far too comfortable here. Despite me not speaking the language, or understanding much about the culture, I feel really at home. Walking the streets of Phnom Penh and Siem Reap at night by myself has been a nightly activity for me. I enjoy the liveliness of the people and the feeling of warms and humidity that covers me. I haven’t felt uncomfortable at all and part of that is not standing out from the other Cambodians around me.   I kind of feel like I melt into the population and can be just another face in the crowd. Kind of a darker more asiany Where’s Waldo, except no one is looking for me. Anyway, like I said I’m super at home here. I don’t feel like I’m visiting, I feel like I lives here.   I know that I’m not actually experience what the average Cambodian goes through, I don’t have to earn money or work, everything I do is by choice, and usually I just roam around, and no one needs me to rush home.   I guess that’s not totally true, I am h...
Post a Comment
Read more

Back in Phnom Penh

Image
I have returned to Phnom Penh. Five plus hours from Siem Reap to the capitol city in a 15-seat van. Regardless of what happens, this trip should fun I love Phnom Penh it is a great city, very modern in so many ways that make life easier but also modern in ways that are troubling. All the amenities of a modern urban world from cell phone shops and casket stores to large malls and street food vendors. The city also exhibits the stark divide between; those who have access to materials, power, and prestige, those who serve the powerful, those who serve the servers of the powerful and those who, commonly, through no fault of their own, live on the periphery scratching out a living from what ever is left behind. These levels are part of all urban societies. Being here, I am faced with the fact that I am part of the upper level at least in how I am able to move through this world. As an outsider I am able to go just about anywhere and do just about anything as long as I’m willing to pay...
1 comment
Read more