Thea
I would like to introduce you to someone is on this trip with me. He is very special to me, is part of the reason I am here, and is at the heart of my search for my Cambodian Babylifter Brothers and Sister. His name is Thea Lang Ower, and I never knew him.
We did meet a long time ago and as I remember it we played with each other. The most noteworthy thing about our long past relationship is that he was, for most of my life the only connection I had to my history...The only memories that went back to the time of my adoption.
My memories are vague, really just memories that I have memories of him. I remember talking to my mother about him on several occasions. Once when I was very young, I asked if I could play with Thea. I had no idea about where he might live of the logistics of getting in contact with him. He was just one of my friends. I had other friends, with whom I'd play with regularly. But there was, for me something special about him. He was like me...he would understand me, even if I didn't know what I didn't understand. My mother said she would try, but as life does things go busy. I think my little sister was having some health issues along with all the other stuff life can throw at you. I eventually forgot about it.
The next time, I remembering Thea was when I was in high school. I was on the Cross Country team and we were at an invitational meet. There were many schools from all over the State. I heard someone yell, "Go Thea!" and I wondered if that was him, and I wondered if maybe I should try and reconnect with him. Yet again, I did not pursue it.
The final time I thought about contacting him was when I was early in my Ph.d. studies. I was thinking about a project that might study the health of the babylifters compared to Cambodians who remained in Cambodia. Although I really thought this project might produce come very interesting results, I decided to put it off as I did not feel like I was ready to deal with whatever issues I was struggling with.
Jump ahead to early Summer 18...this was when I found the World Vision Magazine. I began wondering again. I had five names, the Cambodian names and the adopted names. Why not start off with the one I knew the best...Thea.
The internet is full of ideas of how to find people, some of them creepy, creepy but useful. Whitepages searches can give you some good results. I was just plugging in names and getting phone numbers and addresses. Most of them probably not good anymore. One hit came back for a Thea Ower in Apple Valley California. His family had built the upstairs to our home many years ago, and my father remembered them living in Apple Valley or some where near there. So I had a number...But I did not use it.
Instead I went onto Facebook to continue me search. By the time October had rolled around and I had found a couple of people but hadn't heard from anyone, I was getting desperate. On the 13th of that month I decided to get over myself and call the number I had for Thea, the one I'd had since early Summer.
As the phone rang, my head was telling me that it was no longer any good. By the fourth ring I was edging toward hanging up,but something made me stay on.
"Hello?" a woman's voice broke the into the final trill of a ring. My heart stopped.
"Hello, my name is Tony Tessandori, I came from Cambodia in 1975 with Operation Babylift..." I rambled on, not letting this surprised woman speak. Eventually I got to my question. "I'm looking for Thea Ower and I'm wondering if you know him?"
"What did you say your name was?"
"Oh, Tony but my real name is Anthony..."
"Tony what was your last name?"
"Tessandori..."
"Tessandori?...I do remember that name. I remember you. Your parents...their names are..."
"Bill and Laura."
"Oh, that's right...I'm sorry but Thea passed away on September 24th."
There was nothing in my world that prepared me to hear that...I was instantly struck by a feeling a loss and longing. I missed this man, I had real no knowledge of. All I could get out was, "I'm so sorry...my heart is broken."
We spoke for several more minutes, me on verge of tear and Lois (Thea's Mother) on other end sounded as strong and as brave as any woman could ever be. At the end of it all, I invited myself to his memorial service.
I was left with guilt...Guilt that I had put it off. I had this number since July...but I waited too long. I vowed at that point I would not wait anymore...Things need to happen and it has to now...40 years is too long.
About a month later I flew down to the Los Angeles area. My father had agreed to attend the service with me. As we arrived, I did not know what anyone looked like or if anyone would even notice I was there. We parked the car and as we walked toward what looked like a chapel, a woman peeked around her car and said, "I'm guessing your Tony? I'm Illora, I'm Thea's sister and I have to hug you." I guess they knew I was coming.
As I was introduced to other members of the family, each one knew who I was the second they saw me. This mother Lois and Father Jack, his sister Cindy...just to name a few. Each greeted me with hugs that are usually reserved for family...I began to see that in a way we are family. They are the link for me to a person I never knew but should have and for them I am a link to a person they love dearly. Everyone welcomed me, encouraged me to pursue a trip to Cambodia, and encouraged me to keep in contact. This was also the starting point for me, I was not going to wait any longer. I did not want to miss out on meeting anyone else.
At this point I have found 16 of the 20 orphans. I am hoping to meet some of them this summer, and within the next two year I want to have meet all of them. I'm still looking for one and need some help getting the basics on the other four.
Thank you Thea!
We did meet a long time ago and as I remember it we played with each other. The most noteworthy thing about our long past relationship is that he was, for most of my life the only connection I had to my history...The only memories that went back to the time of my adoption.
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| Thea from the World Vision Magazine...That half of my head in the picture next to him. |
The next time, I remembering Thea was when I was in high school. I was on the Cross Country team and we were at an invitational meet. There were many schools from all over the State. I heard someone yell, "Go Thea!" and I wondered if that was him, and I wondered if maybe I should try and reconnect with him. Yet again, I did not pursue it.
The final time I thought about contacting him was when I was early in my Ph.d. studies. I was thinking about a project that might study the health of the babylifters compared to Cambodians who remained in Cambodia. Although I really thought this project might produce come very interesting results, I decided to put it off as I did not feel like I was ready to deal with whatever issues I was struggling with.
Jump ahead to early Summer 18...this was when I found the World Vision Magazine. I began wondering again. I had five names, the Cambodian names and the adopted names. Why not start off with the one I knew the best...Thea.
The internet is full of ideas of how to find people, some of them creepy, creepy but useful. Whitepages searches can give you some good results. I was just plugging in names and getting phone numbers and addresses. Most of them probably not good anymore. One hit came back for a Thea Ower in Apple Valley California. His family had built the upstairs to our home many years ago, and my father remembered them living in Apple Valley or some where near there. So I had a number...But I did not use it.
Instead I went onto Facebook to continue me search. By the time October had rolled around and I had found a couple of people but hadn't heard from anyone, I was getting desperate. On the 13th of that month I decided to get over myself and call the number I had for Thea, the one I'd had since early Summer.
As the phone rang, my head was telling me that it was no longer any good. By the fourth ring I was edging toward hanging up,but something made me stay on.
"Hello?" a woman's voice broke the into the final trill of a ring. My heart stopped.
"Hello, my name is Tony Tessandori, I came from Cambodia in 1975 with Operation Babylift..." I rambled on, not letting this surprised woman speak. Eventually I got to my question. "I'm looking for Thea Ower and I'm wondering if you know him?"
"What did you say your name was?"
"Oh, Tony but my real name is Anthony..."
"Tony what was your last name?"
"Tessandori..."
"Tessandori?...I do remember that name. I remember you. Your parents...their names are..."
"Bill and Laura."
"Oh, that's right...I'm sorry but Thea passed away on September 24th."
There was nothing in my world that prepared me to hear that...I was instantly struck by a feeling a loss and longing. I missed this man, I had real no knowledge of. All I could get out was, "I'm so sorry...my heart is broken."
We spoke for several more minutes, me on verge of tear and Lois (Thea's Mother) on other end sounded as strong and as brave as any woman could ever be. At the end of it all, I invited myself to his memorial service.
I was left with guilt...Guilt that I had put it off. I had this number since July...but I waited too long. I vowed at that point I would not wait anymore...Things need to happen and it has to now...40 years is too long.
About a month later I flew down to the Los Angeles area. My father had agreed to attend the service with me. As we arrived, I did not know what anyone looked like or if anyone would even notice I was there. We parked the car and as we walked toward what looked like a chapel, a woman peeked around her car and said, "I'm guessing your Tony? I'm Illora, I'm Thea's sister and I have to hug you." I guess they knew I was coming.
As I was introduced to other members of the family, each one knew who I was the second they saw me. This mother Lois and Father Jack, his sister Cindy...just to name a few. Each greeted me with hugs that are usually reserved for family...I began to see that in a way we are family. They are the link for me to a person I never knew but should have and for them I am a link to a person they love dearly. Everyone welcomed me, encouraged me to pursue a trip to Cambodia, and encouraged me to keep in contact. This was also the starting point for me, I was not going to wait any longer. I did not want to miss out on meeting anyone else.
At this point I have found 16 of the 20 orphans. I am hoping to meet some of them this summer, and within the next two year I want to have meet all of them. I'm still looking for one and need some help getting the basics on the other four.
Thank you Thea!
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